100 Hilarious Insults and Comebacks You Should Know | Inspirationfeed (2024)

Last Updated on September 2, 2024

In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, finding time to unwind is becoming more of a luxury than a necessity. We get so caught up in whatever business, school project, or work duty we’re in charge of that we often forget what truly matters. Spending time with friends and family.

Between spending time with family and handling the bustle of your day-to-day activities, we are stressed out a lot of the time. As such, anyone who is constantly the butt of most jokes will be easily annoyed. Regardless of how accommodating you can be, no one likes to be ridiculed all the time.

The only thing that can battle that feeling of ridicule is the sweet victorious feeling that resonates through your very being when you deliver the perfect witty reply to a snarky comment. Seeing as not everyone can be articulate on the fly, having a list of sharp and clever comebacks in reserve could do wonders to your banter game.

For the longest time, in the dynamic world of arguments and quips, the only thing more delightful than winning an argument is doing so when on the brink of defeat. Everyone loves a good comeback story. Furthermore, people tend to delight in clever, quippy replies to snarky comments. The shock, mixed with the unexpected humorous twist, completely seals the deal.

Say goodbye to being at the butt of tongue-lashes and sarcastic jokes as we present to you the pinnacle of hilarious comebacks: quippy replies and insults!

Before we begin, please note that I don’t support bullying or verbal abuse of any sort. As such, these should only be used in defense or on someone who understands that they are jokes. To reiterate, they shouldn’t be used to bully others.

Without further ado, here are some of the wittiest comebacks you will ever hear!

1. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
2. You’re a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
3. If your brain were dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.
4. Yes, I talk like an Idiot. How else would you understand me?
5. Somewhere out there, a tree is producing oxygen for you. You owe that tree an apology.
6. Hold up, are you yelling at me or sh*tting at me?
7. I bet that if you run the way your mouth does, you’d be in good shape.
8. sh*t happens; I mean, look at your face.
9. I’m baffled by just how flexible you can be. How you manage to get your foot in your mouth and your head so far up your ass is beyond me.
10. I was today years old when I realized I didn’t like you.
11. Someday you’ll go far. And I hope you stay there.
12. Oops, my bad. I could’ve sworn I was dealing with an adult.
13. You’re the reason God created the middle finger.
14. I’m busy right now. Can I ignore you another time?
15. Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.
16. You bring everyone so much joy! You know, when you leave the room. But, still.
17. How many licks until I get to the exciting part of this conversation?
18. Keep rolling your eyes, and you might eventually find a brain.
19. Your face makes onions cry.
20. Our kid must have gotten his brain from you! I still have mine.

    

21. You have so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail.
22. You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
23. It’s impossible to underestimate you.
24. I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying.
25. You have an entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?
26. Your kid is so annoying; he makes his Happy Meal cry.
27. Your face is just fine, but we’ll have to put a bag over that personality.
28. I’m not a nerd. I’m just smarter than you.
29. Child, I’ve forgotten more than you ever knew.
30. I’m an acquired taste. If you don’t like me, acquire some taste.
31. If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
32. The only way my husband would ever get hurt during an activity is if the TV exploded.
33. If you have a problem with me, write the problem on a piece of paper, fold it, and shove it up your ass.
34. I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
35. You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
36. Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you today?
37. OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!
38. Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
39. I want to help you out. Which way did you come in?
40. I only take you everywhere I go, so I don’t have to kiss you goodbye.
41. We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately, we’ve been married for ten years.
42. When you look in the mirror, say hi to the clown you see in there for me, would you?
43. You have miles to go before you reach mediocre.
44. I’m just glad that you’re stringing words into sentences now.
45. Don’t worry about me. Worry about your eyebrows.
46. Mirrors can’t talk. Lucky for you, they can’t laugh, either.
47. You are proof God has a sense of humor.
48. If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents.
49. You must have been born on a highway. That’s where most accidents happen.
50. Grab a straw because you suck.
51. You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
52. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
53. I’m glad to see you’re not letting education get in the way of your ignorance.
54. If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to your ego and jump to your IQ.
55. I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
56. Your only chance of getting laid is to crawl up a chicken butt and wait.
57. Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parent’s job.
58. Take my lowest priority and put yourself beneath it.
59. Hey, you have something on your chin. No, the 3rd one below.
60. I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral.
61. If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant.
62. You’re my favorite person besides every other person I’ve ever met.
63. I believed in evolution until I met you.
64. You are proof that evolution can go in reverse.
65. Isn’t it dangerous to use your whole vocabulary in one sentence?
66. If I had a dollar for every time you said something brilliant, I’d be broke.
67. I do not consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
68. In the land of the witless, you would be king.
69. I prefer a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed.
70. I’m jealous of all the people who haven’t met you.
71. People clap when they see you. They clap their hands over their eyes.
72. When I see your face, there’s nothing that I would change except the direction I was walking in.
73. You look like something I would draw with my left hand.
74. Do I look ugly? Good. I was trying to look like you today.
75. I would never date you. I’m lonely, not desperate.
76. I don’t have the patience or the crayons to explain this to you.
77. My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.
78. I’d say you’re ‘dumb as a rock,’ but at least a rock can hold a door open.
79. I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you.
80. You’re a conversation starter. Not when you are around, but once you leave.
81. I find the fact that you’ve lived this long both surprising and disappointing.
82. You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste.
83. Somewhere, somehow, you are robbing a village of their idiot.
84. You are the reason why shampoo has instructions.
85. I’d give you a nasty look, but you’ve already got one.
86. If you were the light at the end of the tunnel, I’d turn back around.
87. Were you born this stupid, or did you take lessons?
88. You should come with a warning label.
89. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m guessing it’s hard to pronounce.
90. If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.
91. I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence.
92. Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go.
93. Too bad you can’t Photoshop your ugly personality.
94. Don’t you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning?
95. The people who tolerate you daily are the real heroes.
96. Please tell me you don’t plan to home-school your kids.
97. If you’re going to act like a turd, lay on the yard.
98. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
99. You look like a “before” picture.
100. Jealousy is a disease. Get well soon.

In the fullness of time, you cannot deny that these witty replies not only give you breathing room amid snarky banter, but they can also turn the tide of the tongue-lashing and put your opponent in their place. Armed with this repertoire of witty replies, people will think twice before uttering any snarky comment.

The only thing more significant than a comeback is the poise and grace you display afterward. Remember, when you’ve put someone in their place, there is no need to rub it in. If not, you risk becoming the very entity you sought to eradicate. To this end, I leave you with the exquisite words of Vince Lombardi. “The real glory is being knocked to your knees and then coming back. That’s real glory. That’s the essence of it.”

Posted by:Igor Ovsyannnykov

Igor is an SEO specialist, designer, photographer, writer and music producer. He believes that knowledge can change the world and be used to inspire and empower young people to build the life of their dreams.When he is not writing in his favorite coffee shop, Igor spends most of his time reading books, taking photos, producing house music, and learning about cinematography. He is a sucker for good coffee, Indian food, and video games.